I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads my blog and apparently there are more of you than I thought because everyone seems to know that I am gigantically fat and how would they know that if they hadn't read my blog. So I want to say I appreciate all of you, the ones that read and leave comments, those who enter my Blog to laugh their butts off and then leave without a trace, the ones whose roommates follow my blog and tell them all about it, also the ones who aren't really sure how to operate a computer but have their daughters read it to them over the phone,and all the rest of you. There is nothing wrong with not being sure how to run a computer, I mean I barely know how. For example, I just read a rather entertaining blog from one of my nieces who compared herself to a breakfast quiche because she likes to wear nice boots and she is not as girly as the other omelets in her family, or something like that, anyway she said it way better than I just did and I wanted to comment but I could never figure out how and I would like to link to her blog from here, but, you know 747 right over my head. So what I wanted to comment on her blog was that if I were a breakfast food I would be a sausage, bacon and ham breakfast burrito with jalapenos, mushrooms, tomatoes, low fat sour cream and gummy worms. I say this because I am a horrendous decision maker so we just throw in all three major breakfast meats, I am Gigantically fat as you may or may not know, but I am trying to make healthy choices, thus the low fat sour cream and veggies, I am usually pretty tame but I do have my spicy side so there's the jalapenos and I seem at first glance to be predictable but then you find something that you like but you did not expect to be in a breakfast burrito, like gummy worms. That is me in a nutshell or more apropos in a tortilla.
It is true I struggle mightily with even the most mundane of life's decisions. It is because, to put it simply, when I am forced to choose one thing over any number of other possibilities I know that I will obsess over those things that I didn't choose. They will haunt me like Beetlejuice, and they do. My family, who I love very much, knows I am terrible at making my own decisions yet they still insist on asking me to make theirs for them. For example one of my daughters will ask me, "Dad, which of these two pairs of shoes should I wear with this outfit?" Yes, they ask me, besides the fact that I am a bad decision maker I have absolutely no concept of what color or style of shoes goes with any given outfit, just ask my niece Emily. So through the years I have developed a technique for just such a predicament (my wife never falls for it anymore and my daughters are catching on but I still try). I kind of lift up my arm so that 2 or three of the fingers from my outstretched hand are aimed in their general vicinity and I say, with very firm resolve, "That one." Now, if everything goes according to plan they will raise one of the two shoes and say, "this one?", and I will quickly say that yes that is the perfect shoe to wear with that outfit because it is obviously the one that they wanted more anyway, and I have just guided them towards making their own decision, like a good father should. Like I said before they are all catching on to this method so I have developed a new tactic I just always pick the first one. It has already been decided, if you ask me to choose between one or more options for you I will just choose the first one. That takes a lot of the decision making pressure off me.
With all that being said, I have spent the past few days making some pretty rough decisions. I mean earth shattering, life altering, you can't just sort of wave your hand and say "that one," and hope they make the decision for you kind of decisions. Life can be hard, and at times it almost seems unfair. My son Big Mike said something pretty profound while we were playing Hot wheels Track Attack on the Wii and I had just driven my car off a cliff and I was complaining that it wasn't fair that I had to start clear back at the beginning of the lap. His response was something to the effect of "It is fair because it is in the game." I think that is true about life, everything happens for a reason and it is all fair because it is in the game.
Tune in next time to find out: if I had to choose which fashionable pump to be, which designer label would I go with.......
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